Contemplation

"You walked with me, footprints in the sand

And helped me understand where I'm going

You walked with me when I was all alone

With so much unknown along the way

Then I heard you say

I promise you, I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair

I'll carry you when you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand"

As I sit on the eve of what would have been my fourth anniversary I find myself in an emotional conflict.  While I am saddened that what was once something beautiful and amazing has ended; I'm also filled with relief, gratefulness, freedom and gratitude.  

You may be reading this for the first time and going "what the heck.... I had no idea she was divorced..." or if you're really out of touch it might be "what the heck she got married?!"  So... depending where you fall on the spectrum just try to stay with me... 

I've always been a very private person.. I don't like my life aired out for people to see... or read... However... in this season of change and growth personally I'm trying something new.  Thanks for joining in this journey with me.

I wish that I could tell you that my marriage ending was all his fault... but that would be unkind and not accurate.  We struggled... We struggled together and we struggled separately. At one point I was pretty convinced that it was all his fault.  He was the one with all of the problems...

Now as I look back and seek to move forward my view has changed... A LOT! So... on this would be anniversary I've decided to write a letter...  to anyone who maybe has been where I've been or might be headed there...

To the girl who is waiting to get married.... to the girl who sits waiting for her groom... 

Take heart, he will come... and he's worth the wait.  Don't hurry, don't rush.  Let him be the man... let him bring you flowers and open the door for you.  Being independent doesn't mean not allowing him to cherish you.  The men that we dream about in movies... they aren't real! They are women in a man's body.... Real men value honesty, integrity, hard work and chivalry.  Chivalry is not dead! but you have to be open to it.  No man that wants to rush to the alter (like after a few months... or weeks.. or even days) is really the right man for you. 

Be modest, treat yourself with great care and they will treat you that way. 

The one who will love you forever is willing to wait and take the time to study you, to know you for you, to accept you and all of your flaws and still love you endlessly. 

Wait for that man.  The one who delights in seeing you succeed and challenges you to be better.

To the woman who is married and hurting... to the woman who is divorced...

I'm so very sorry.  Know that my heart aches with you.  

It's ok! You aren't crazy! You get to choose how to move forward...

Maybe you... like me didn't wait for the right man.. you were caught up in a whirlwind romance...  or maybe it just didn't work out...or worried that no one would ever come along... or that you would never be good enough... 

YOU ARE!!!! You are beautiful... you are worth so much more... Whether you have the ability to save your marriage or it's already gone, you have the ability to save you! To find who you are and where you're headed.  To be the best woman that you can be! 

Find her! Find that woman.. and if you don't know how, call someone to help you.  

You may be lost now but you can be found. You are not alone! 

To the woman who married the love of their life, 

TEACH! Teach your sons to grow up to be men of good character, teach your daughters that their value is not tied to what man pays attention to them.  

Teach women that you know how to be loving and devoted wives, teach single women how to wait for the right man. 

Love your husband, cherish him, support him and challenge him to be the best man he can be. Let him love you, and challenge you... and don't punish him for your own insecurities. 

Learn from those who have set the path before you... you have so much to offer as a woman... you are beautiful, and valuable.

To Men...

If you strive to master the woman you love, know her beyond how she can even know herself, always study her and devote yourself only to her she will never leave you.  

I'm sorry that the world has provided so many distractions and has not allowed women to step into who they were created to be.  I'm sorry that with the click of a button you can briefly satisfy yourself rather than taking the time to woo and marry the woman who could be by your side forever.  I'm sorry that Hollywood has emasculated you to the point of making the "standards" impossible to live up to.  

Teach our young men to strive for these things:  Be strong, be chivalrous, be honest, be loyal, be loving and have integrity and you will be one worthy of honor and respect.

... from one who has been changed by love, loss, heartache and triumph... and the desire to be not only studied, but worthy of honor and respect.