Decisions

Being a mother is a fine balancing act between making wise decisions for your children and trying to keep your own sanity! (in all of my clumsiness as a human being (insert Newton jokes here)  tightrope walking was never in the cards for me)..

Often times as I make decisions for my children I weigh the following things in my mind…

1.       Will they be safe?

2.       Will they be cared for?

3.       Will they be loved?

4.       Will they learn something?

Then… if I can’t answer any of those questions… this set of questions takes over:

1.       Will they have fun?

2.       Will I end up arrested for some form of child abuse or neglect? (apparently allowing your child to scream on the back porch is frowned upon… or so I’ve heard….)

3.       Will severe to permanent bodily harm be avoided?

If all of those are a go… refer to the first set of questions…

I’m not terribly warm and cuddly, my Type A personality often takes over as default when faced with tough decisions and it’s quite difficult to determine at times what is the best path to take because normally my gut reaction is not the kindest or most “motherly.”

So when Nicholas’ biological father decided to meet Nicholas for the first time last November… there was a lot of internal wrestling. 

Would Nicholas be safe emotionally? How would I explain to him the complicated web that weaved the story of his life?  Could he even begin to understand?  Would he be hurt or angry with me? Was it all my fault? (no, of course not… but I am a woman and naturally it’s in my DNA to assume it’s my fault).

However, Nicholas has been blessed with an unbelievably laid back, even-tempered and beyond gracious personality that has weathered well my many missteps in life and not only survived, but thrived. 

So as he prepared to meet Zach for the first time, we both were thrilled, and nervous (I’m pretty sure the pit that consumed my stomach was so deep that the Sahara Desert would have been lost in it).

It went remarkably well… they had a wonderful time… and Nicholas was gracious enough in not asking too many questions therefore allowing for my floundering brain to keep up with everything going on. Zach came back to visit this week and Nicholas was over the moon excited and the pit in my stomach didn’t seem to appear this time…. Well instead it’s just a small puddle…

While I’m sure there is a long relational road to be built, it’s nice to see that it’s working at a pace that we all seem to be able to handle.

But it got me thinking…. Is there a “right way” to make decisions…

HOW CAN I PUT MY FEET ON SOLID GROUND?!?

I’m someone who wants to be as informed about all the options and possibilities or outcomes as I can be.  While I’m good at making fast and hard decisions during a crisis it’s not the method I prefer.    This is something that’s different about me… I used to be a knee jerk decision maker… 

HOWEVER!! A couple other things I’ve learned when it comes to decision making.…

1   1.     I have to do what works best for me… not the THOUSANDS who feel the need to offer an opinion

     2.  What I decide works for me is ENOUGH

3   3 .I can say no… and surprisingly enough it feels good to say no 

        4. The only bad decision is the one that I make that goes against what works for me

How do you make decisions?  Do you need the input of a lot of people, do you ask no one, what tightrope act are you walking today?  

If you aren’t sure… or feel caught in the balancing act of life.  Take your feet off the rope… the ground is right there… and it’s a much happier place to be.