Often I identify with failure when it comes to my parenting. My boys are being raised in a split household, I'm not always as patient and understanding as I would like to be, and I work... a lot... to make sure that I can provide for them. If you're a single parent, I'm sure you can identify with that feeling. But then I remind myself of the perks... my kids aren't in jail... yet... they like spending time with me... most of the time... and we aren't living on the street, we are well provided for, and we love each other.
As a mom, I want nothing more than the very best for my children. I want them to always feel loved, accepted for who they are, and never feel responsible for this mess that we have them caught in. Divorce is an incredibly hard thing for children. And I'm sure, that no matter how many times I tell them, it's not your fault, there will be part of them that always wonders... was it my fault?
The tricky thing about being a single mom raising boys is.... BOYS ARE GROSS! and.... THEY MAKE NO SENSE! I'm sure you could say the same thing about raising girls... but since I'm raising boys, well, you get my point. My boys are quite different in personality which makes parenting them an adventure.
Let me tell you about them.
Nicholas is a very kind and loving boy. He thrives on one-on-one time and encouraging words. Nicholas is very sensitive to things going on around him and wants to do everything he can to be helpful. Last winter, when he saw that the man snow blowing our drive way also went to do several of the neighbors, his immediate response was to go get the shovel and make it his responsibility to shovel the side walk. He can tell when I'm not feeling well often before even I can. He gets up with his brother on days when I'm struggling and makes them breakfast and keeps him occupied so that I can get a few more moments of precious sleep.Nicholas is a dreamer, he loves to imagine things, paint them, he definitely has inherited my artistic brain. Nicholas wants everyone to feel accepted all the time and struggles when he doesn't feel like he fits in, OR, when he feels like someone is being left out. Nicholas is very emotional and often is WAY MORE emotionally charged than I am. When I think of Nicholas as an adult, I see him in a helping profession. Perhaps a counselor, or the head of a non profit teaching kids to cook, or working with kids with special needs. Nicholas thrives on helping others. All who encounter Nicholas quickly love him deeply and feel his love for them.
Then there's Alexander. Alexander very much has my Type A personality. He is incredibly dominant, physical, and All Boy if you catch my drift. He can negotiate his way into, or out of most things. especially time outs... at 3! He talks... ALL THE TIME... and remembers the funniest things like the line "My fists thirst for vengeance" (a line from Kung Fu Panda) that sends us all into stitches as he runs through the house yelling it. Alexander is very affectionate. He loves to snuggle, kiss, hug, anything he can do where he's practically on top of you to be close. As his little personality develops it's become quite clear that Alexander is going to be my bold world changer. Potential careers for Alexander: A lawyer, a judge, a politician... or quite possibly, the president. There is no doubt in my mind that Alexander will take the world head on and turn it completely inside out.
I've also been very blessed to enter the lives of three other beautiful children who each bring something dynamic to the family. Let me introduce them to you briefly...
Meet Olivia. Olivia is blossoming into a beautiful young woman both physically and emotionally. She is incredibly bright and carries a passion for causes that many should be envious of. While she is embracing teenager-hood (yes, I made that up) head on, it's quite clear that whatever Olivia decides to do in the future will be big. She has the potential to make a HUGE difference in whatever area she decides to take on. Olivia thrives on one-on-one time and lights up when you acknowledge that she's done something well. A champion debater with a quick wit, Olivia enjoys bantering back and forth on almost anything. She feels deeply, and loves deeply. She is simply stunning.
Emma quickly captures your heart with her quirky personality and charm. She is energetic and outgoing. She can bring a smile to your face in an instant. Emma is an includer, she never wants anyone to feel left out. Emma has the drive to tackle anything she wants and succeed. Emma carries the burden of others. She is kind, intelligent, and is searching for her place in life. As she starts to develop into a young woman, it's extremely exciting to see what things capture her heart and desires. Emma will be the one to make a huge impact in a quiet way.
Then there's Abraham. Abe is ready to take the bull by the horns and defeat it. At 5, Abe is bold, precocious, and has a knack for creating things. A quick thinker, he thrives on being close to you, whether it be sitting next to him while he shows you the latest move on his game, or showing you the new karate moves in the living room. Abe is also All Boy and there is no doubt in my mind that as he blossoms into a young man he will be able to succeed at anything he puts his hands to. After he rebuilds it and re-purposes it of course.
As I've stepped into the roll of... well.. I'm not actually sure what you would call it. Anyway... as I open up my heart and family to these wonderful additions, it's caused me to do some thinking about the woman who will potentially enter my children's lives in a similar capacity as I have to Olivia, Emma and Abraham. And so in that thinking, I have a few words for her.
To the Woman who will help to raise my boys,
Thank you for being willing to step in and love my boys when they aren't with me. Know that you are being given the extraordinary privilege of knowing them... and that in and of itself is HUGE.
Some things you should know about my boys.
Nicholas loves BIG. When he opens his heart to you, know that you have been invited into a very beautiful space. Know that he loves deeply and will love with grace and understanding. You will not find a more loyal and faithful child than Nicholas. But encourage him to be a child. Encourage him to grow and try new things even when he hesitates. Nicholas will treat you with a tender kindness that is beyond his years. He will cherish you. Treat his heart with kindness. Love him gently, in good and bad times.
Alexander can be a handful. His enthusiasm for new and exciting things, (and probably multiple trips to the ER for broken bones and bumps) will keep you on your toes. Have patience with him, kindle the fire for greatness and he will bring you great pride and joy. Snuggle him... a lot! He will feel closest to you when he can FEEL you. Challenge his thinking, push him to take on the world with integrity. Experience with him all of the greatness he brings to you and you will earn a place in his heart.
I know that loving and helping to raise the sons of someone else is extremely challenging at times. It's hard to find your place. Know this... If you love my sons and see the beauty in them that I see, your place will be easy to find. I truly believe that you can never have too many people that love your children. And while the situation may seem difficult and the number of stones that have been thrown from side to side is great, Jeff and I agree on one main thing. Our children are our priority and we would do anything for them. Treat their hearts with care as you would your own. Be honored when they come to you with their troubles and their joys. Celebrate with them, for they are to be delighted in. You have been given an extreme honor, and I am glad to be able to share my beautiful boys with you. Thank you for loving them. I know they will change you as they have changed me.
Welcome to the journey.
-Charissa
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