In society today there are many
categories that fall under the “addiction” subtitle. Sobriety is
defined as “not affected by alcohol” but that definition has
been adapted to include a variety of substances which one might
abstain from.
Often, the lifestyle of an addict is
stereo-typed to include legal troubles, relational issues and to
infer that the only acceptable way to pursue sobriety is through the
12 Step Program... Don't get me wrong... the 12 Step Program is
great... I am in NO way suggesting that it hasn't been highly
effective for millions of people.
Unfortunately, what has become the
cultural norm of addiction, or, the addict stereo type, does not
include those of us who live daily with probably one of the most
common addictions and deathly cycle there is... food.
For me, food has been my constant. It
has always been there for me. I know what to expect, I know how it
will make me feel, and I know how and where to get it. It's not an
illegal substance, it doesn't actually hurt people or lead directly
to death through impairment. It is necessary to survive. It makes me
feel better.
Those are the lies I've told myself all
of my life. My dependence on food rather than another addictive
substance has been easily justified through societal allowances and
my own deception.
The reality... it's killing me. It is
damaging my relationships and while it hasn't caused me any legal
troubles, it has impacted and hinders my daily functioning beyond
what is acceptable. It has impacted my children and the decisions
they make while at the same time causing them to buy into the mind
set that “it's safe.”
In attempting to restart my life over
the last month or two, it became very clear to me that my dependence
on food had reached a place that required adjustment... right now! I
could no longer live in the denial that “I was doing ok” or “I'm
just big-boned.” That I was the smart and witty one and so no one
really cared if I was chunky. That my intellect and ability to fix
things was outweighing the need to be healthy; that even if I could
give really good advice, I was still modeling an unhealthy pattern
that people could actually pick up on.
I quietly watched as two people whom I
admire greatly in many areas, and who have been very dear friends of
mine, sought to become healthy and change their lives... and they
aren't really overweight like I am... They just decided to be better
for themselves and their children. I didn't say anything to them,
and I doubt they have any idea how much they impacted my desire to
seek change. Not just to lose weight, but to be healthy, and in the
end... to be there for my children as the best mom I can be. Thank
you so much for inspiring me.
And thus begins my journey of change.
I'm not going to lie... it has SUCKED! I have cried through work
outs, sobbed in the shower, had every muscle in my body ache and to
be even more honest... it's not getting better... yet... But, I am
better. I'm happier, I have more energy, and for the first time in a
very long time, I feel ok about being me. I haven't been successful
every day, but I have been honest about it. I have sought
accountability and they have cheered me on through small successes
and what seemed like huge mountains.
Now, of course I'm only 3 weeks in. But
I am more determined than ever that this is my time. That I can make
this change and overcome these obstacles coming out on the other end
thinner and healthier, but more than that... proud of who I am. Not
just mentally, but physically. To be the best I can be for you, my
children, and most importantly, for me.
I'd love to have you join me on my
journey. Either out loud, or quietly. Perhaps you want to start a
journey of your own. Maybe your area of struggle is not the same as
mine. That's ok... I have learned that the more honest I am, and the
more I can be open about it, the easier it is. I don't even hesitate
now to text a girlfriend and let them know that I'm struggling. Or
that I feel like I'm STARVING.
Three is not a crowd in this case. Hop
on board, change your life for you, with me. To be the best you can
be, not only for the people you love, but more importantly for you.
