Memorial Day

A reflection from a mother in the community on the loss of her son.

My son, Tech. Sgt. Matthew Schwartz, died January 5, 2012, in Afghanistan. He performed acts of heroism every day while he was away at war. Entering cities in Iraq,

clearing roads, feeding children who had become orphans, un-detonating bombs, rescuing people who were being held hostage in their own countries--all of those acts are scary to me… as his mom.  He would never tell me about that part of it, the scary parts; he was always trying not to make me worry. He was a very good son.

All these things made me think of Jesus. Did he not do these same exact things? Did he not pave a way for all to have a new beautiful life with him? Did he not feed the hungry and adopt us into his family making us a Royal Priesthood? Did he not defuse explosive situations with just the sound of his gentle voice speaking with wisdom?  Wow… what an example.

I think of the times Matt would reply, “It’s no big deal. It's my job.” Humble, always humble. He was always placing others before himself; and oh how he loved his family. Ten days before he died, he emailed his wife to express his love for her: "So Jennifer if God comes today and takes me home I will have had more blessings than anyone could have ever wished for." 

Many have described my son's death as "the ultimate sacrifice."  My response? "No, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice; my son just followed in his footsteps. Thank you Jesus for being Matt's hero!"

As told to Charissa Kaschel by Cindy Schwartz.

Mother

This blog is dedicated to my mother.

To those who have stepped in as "mother" during my younger life; Roxie & Anne. 

To ones who have become "mother" me; Nancy & Kandy

To those who inspire me as mothers: Jennifer, Sarah, Jesi, Katrynia & Brandee

As I find myself reflecting on Mother’s Day this year, I became curious as to the origin of Mother’s Day along with. How do we determine who “mother” is? Especially if perhaps we don’t have a biological mother.

Mother’s Day is a modern holiday that was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother. After a three year campaign to make Mother’s Day a holiday inspired by her mother who was a peace activist who cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the American Civil War, Congress rejected the bill. By 1911, all states observed Mother’s Day and in 1914, Woodrow Wilson designated the second Sunday in May as the national holiday we now celebrate as Mother’s Day. (Thanks wikipedia)

Webster’s Dictionary defines “Mother” in two ways. 1. A woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth. 2. To bring up (a child) with care and affection.

I’ve been quite fortunate to have a biological mother who has always been present in my life.  Equipping me with many qualities and influencing me in many ways to help mold me into the woman I am today.  My mother is driven, strong, intelligent, snarky, a little, okay, A LOT Type A (shhh.. that’s a good thing, clearly I come by it honestly), wise, encouraging and always ready to give me a dose of reality when I need it. She taught me always to honor my commitments, speak my mind, have an opinion, and how to cook.

 As amazing as my mom was growing up, I was also provided with some women who filled the spots that my mom couldn’t.  I had a woman who fed my very dramatic, music and sequin loving girly side; and one who was loving, warm, nurturing and always had a kind word when I needed it.

I have four adopted sisters who experienced the trauma of a mother who wasn't able to care for them well which provided quite a contrast to my life as a teenager and young adult. As an opinionated (shocking I know) teenager, I couldn't understand how a mother, or what I knew a mother to be, could do things that left life long effects as she did. To this day it grieves me greatly.

As an adult, I’ve come to greatly value the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” combined with “there’s no love like a love for a mother.” As a single mom raising two boys, there are days where my “mom super powers” just aren’t enough to get through the week let alone the day. There are other women in my “village” who can step in and love and nurture my children when I’ve reached my breaking point.  Thank goodness there’s no love like a love for a mother, I mess up A LOT.

This year, as I experience my second Mother’s Day post divorce, it comes coupled with the strife a four year old grieving the separation and change and often knows no other way than to lash out with words such as “I don’t like you,” or “I hate you.” While I know that he loves me deeply, I also know he is hurting greatly and I am unable to fix that hole in his life right now. It’s been quite painful as a mom. To know that a decision I have made has caused such hurt and void in his life at such a young age.

I’ve always struggled with Mother’s Day as a mom and for a variety of reasons but mainly because I never have felt like I’ve actually done a “good enough job” to be celebrated as a mom. I’ve failed my children in so many ways, divorce, moving, being unwell, recovering from surgeries and accidents… and the list goes on.  Someone very wise once said to me: “regardless of how you feel about your mothering, there are those without mothers who would take you in a heartbeat;” which of course got me thinking about those who grew up without mothers or maternal influences.

So, no matter how you grew up or live now; whether you are connected to your mother, or someone who stepped in where your mother couldn’t. Whether your mother is no longer living on this earth, or whether you’re honoring her in memory this year. I encourage you to celebrate Mother’s Day this year by honoring those who influenced your life, or your children’s, in a way that maybe you’re only now recognizing as “mom.”

A very Happy Mother’s Day to you, and thank you to whose who have loved my children and I with reckless motherly abandon.